According to Fart Away Telemaque, a Haitian immigrant portal, Haitian immigrants have offered to hold a catburger party endorsing Donald Trump. The cats will be harvested around Springfield, Ohio, thanks to an NRA grant of hundreds of rifles and ammo, then skinned under supervision from FDA overseers to ensure the safety of all involved.
As immigrants, Haitians don't vote. But they say they recognize foundational elements of the banana republic they come from in the America that Trump wants to make great again: guns in the streets, corruption, violence between police and armed gangs, bedlam and mayhem, chaos and anarchy, and to them this is a blessing: Haiti right here in Ohio, JD Vance's state.
Fart Away described the organizing activities of the Haitian immigrant community as one with weighty consequences on the upcoming elements, and that is why they will propose the following deal to Donald Dumb: We'll canvass our neighborhoods for you and have as many catburger parties as you wish if you pledge to regularize our status in the US and grant us the US citizenship.
Fart Away has reached out to the Republican National Committee, but hasn't heard from them yet.
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