Forget Ozempic. Forget the caveman's "Paleo" diet, Atkins Diet.... None has ever worked well enough to prove itself worthy.
But the smartass Zionists have come up with a diet that is likely to be a winner, as long as you muster courage: The Zion Gaza Diet (ZGD).
All you have to do is contact Zion-Diet-Gaza Foundation and they will organize everything for you. They'll book your tickets, check your background to make sure you're not a member of Hamas (Hamas seems to be behind all the ills of Israeli society these days), welcome you at Ben Gurion, train you for 48 hours on surviving in a war zone, including furnishing you with Palestinian clothing, then drive you to the border with Gaza, hand you over to a friendly IDF (Israeli Death Forces) patrol that will dump you inside Gaza.
Once inside Gaza, you're on your own. This seems to be terrifying, but that is the entire point. Being subjected to IDF terror, settlers terrorists, falling bombs and missiles etc. will immediately make you lose 10 pounds. Then, after you have exhausted any supplies the organizer may have given you, you're on your own foraging, running around, pushing donkey-pulled carts, fighting with starving Palestinians, climbing on fast-moving trucks, getting shot at by the very humanitarian Gaza Humanitarian Foundation as you scream your face red trying to get a ladle of watery soup.
The program is one-week long, after which you will use your cell phone to call up the organizers who will coordinate your evacutaion with the IDF. The program guarantees a weight loss of at least 30 pounds in just one week.
The Zion Gaza Diet was cloned on Lebanon's Terro-Tourism Program (TTP) during the 1990s, whereby foreigners who sign up would be welcomed at Beirut Airport by the organizers then trained for 48 hours on what to expect, before being handed over to a Hezbollah Tourism official. You will be driven around in Hezbollah's rundown Shiite neighborhoods - garbage, stray cats, armed individuals, mangy dogs and rats aplenty - near Beirut Airport until a pre-arranged kidnapping event would lead you to a local dingy basement where you will be chained to a radiator by a wall. You will be threatened with rape, throat-cutting, and other refined Persian-style torture. You will have no access to shower or laundry, but you will have the best Mediterranean diet (Hummos, tabbouli, kibbe....). You will then be rolled inside a blanket, bound to the belly of a car, and driven several hours on Lebanon's heavily potholed roads to the Bekaa Valley where, if you're lucky, you might get a glimpse of the famous Greco-Roman ruins of the city of Baalbek (City of Baal, a.k.a. Heliopolis, or City of the Sun) from a crack near the exhaust pipe right next to you.
You will be returned to Beirut a few days later, where you will be exposed to the most dangerous driving in the world, to the stench of garbage, to pre-arranged car bombings, and eventually to your liberation in full view of the press. The US embassy in Beirut has joined the venture to assure your safety and will produce an occasional consul or embassy official for updates on the progress of the program. Finally, you will be issued a certificate. Your weight loss, while incidental to the mission of the program, will be recorded. On average, western participants have recored a weight loss of 40 pounds in one week.
The TTP has been discontinued due to improving conditions on the ground in Lebanon, but also because the Zion Gaza Diet has outcompeted it. Most westerners want to experience the higher adrenaline rush of ZGD than TTP's.
It is a sign of healthy competition between two war-torn mideastern vulgar "democracies".
In Israel, the "Democracy-for-Jews-only" excludes non-Jewish citizens who are placed instead under a Terror Military Occupation whose goals are to kill, dehumanize, torture, starve, displace.... until the non-Jewish citizens decide to "voluntarily" leave. Israel, the Blight Unto Nations, does not engage in genocide. It just kills, starves, humiliates, and otherwise traumatizes people to the point where they commit suicide or leave their ancestral lands. This is what you might call a "civilized genocide" only the wise and sage Jewish people can invent.
In Lebanon, the decrepit feudal, tribal, sectarian, ultra-religious system is known as "consensual democracy". Which means that, yes, people vote but they do so according to a system of religious distribution of seats. Bad as that is, the Lebanese smartasses have added a twist to this. Yes, people vote but then, when decisions have to be made, the elected politicians get together behind closed doors and decide, regardless of what the voters may have wanted. The key word here is "consensus", by which the wise politicians are constantly avoiding wars, sectarian massacres, or obstruction by reaching a consensus, the lowest possible denominator to which no one can object. In a real democracy, there is a battle of ideas and people vote and mandate their elected officials with the task of making decisions compatible with the will or ideas of the voters. So, I ask the Lebanese people: why even vote? Why even bother pretending to have an honest-to-God democratic fight? Why not simply let your unelected religious leaders and their vassal politicians make decisions on your behalf by reaching a consensus with the other sects and their politicians?
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