Charlatan Televangelist Joel Osteen Suffers "Loss"

Ripoff Texan con artist Joel Osteen has just lost his mother. All his Lakwood Church's bigoted Christians are sad, though they should be happy that she is finally meeting Jesus and will sit to his right side up above the clouds, along with all the billions and billions of faithful who perished before her. She's getting eternal life, while we slave and struggle on this miserable earth of suffering and Trump-induced trauma.


Adorable curly-haired Joel Osteen is mourning the death of his mother.

He wrote:

"It is with a heavy heart that Victoria [his wife] and I, along with our family, announce the passing of our cherished mother and grandmother, Dolores 'Dodie' Osteen".

"She was the beloved matriarch of Lakewood Church, an inspiration to millions of people around the world, and a faithful servant of God," the preacher continued. "Known as ‘Mama Dodie’ to the entire Lakewood family, together we celebrate her amazing life and lasting legacy. She passed of natural causes, peacefully at her home. She was 91 years old."  she and her husband co-founded Lakewood Church, the Houston megachurch where Joel made millions in profits by preaching religious inanities for decades to a mentally challenged numskull Texas population whose savings he pilfered with sweet-talking quotes from Jesus's best-sellers. 

Thanks to his Megachurch non-profit corporation, Joel has never paid a dime in taxes.

As would be expected in shoot-first, primitive Texas, the Lakewood Megachurch invited a 36-year-old repentant Evangelical woman who, after proclaiming she was a sinner underserving of forgiveness by Bronze Age soothsayer Jesus, opened fire in the church wounding a pious male cowboy and the woman's own 7-year-old son. The valiant Texas Rangers swiftly rode on their horses, pulled their guns and shot her dead. Rumor has it that Hollywood is working on a script to tell the story, but Osteen has not yet approved the money-making deal.

Joel Osteen, a General in Jesus's army, blamed the incident on treacherous Satan who is waging a war against Jesus and his soldiers. That is why nearly every Texan carries a gun. One never knows who Satan could be.