Trump wants to go solo with Putin this coming Friday in Russia... I mean in Alaska.. He doesn't want anyone else in the room. Can you guess why?
Here is a hypothetical conversation between the two dictators:
T: Hello my friend. Good to see you after all this time.
P: Hello Donald. What can I do for you?
T: Vlad, listen to me. I don't give a damn about Ukraine; I don't even know where it is. All I want is for me to score a propaganda victory. I berated Zelenskiy twice, just for you. Can't you give me something in return?
P: Like what?
T: I just want to come out of this meeting proclaiming a ceasefire. So please play along and say we have agreed to a ceasefire. We don't need any of the details that I can barely understand anyway.
P: Well, I too have a domestic audience made up of creepy Orthodox Christians who blend nationalism with religion. Kind of like your Pete Hegseth.
T: Ok, just give them what you think will satisfy them, for now. We can always walk back from any verbal commitments we make to the press. If you give me this gift, I will make sure to punish Zelenskiy later by denying him weapons. I want the Nobel Peace Prize, and making it look like I made peace between Ukraine and Russia will make those silly Norwegians and Swedes more enclined to give me the Prize. We have to act now because they make their annoucements in the Fall.
P: But what else do I get - Berating Zelenskiy is great but is not enough. What can YOU do to screw those Europeans a bit more?
T: Tariffs. I can slap tariffs up the Ying-Yang on them, trash their economies.
P: In our annoucement of a ceasefire deal, will you say clearly that I get to keep the Dombass, Crimea, and the other territories. And reject Ukraine's joining the EU and NATO. And impose a demilitarized Ukraine or whatever is left of it?
T: I don't know. This too much information for my brain. Yeah, sure, I can say those things. I already said them. You see, the LA fires, I told them to water the place. They didn't listen....
P (Cutting Trump off): Hey hey, Donnie, I'm not following.
(Turning to the translator and whispering: Get the old man some water. His brain is drying up).
T: Forgive me Vlad but sometimes I don't even know where I am. They pump me with pills to keep me alert, but I have developed immunity and resistance to the drugs. My ankles are swollen and Melania makes fun of me. Please, I beg you. Let me come out of this meeting looking like I have achieved something. The economy in the US is tanking. They tell me it's my tariffs, but I know that it's Obama and Biden's fault from decades ago. I'm in bad shape: You're the only friend I can depend on. Come on, from one dictator bro to another. We too have our secrets. I wish I had known you during the fantastic years of my friendship with Jeffery Epstein. You've heard of him? We could have shared so many more secrets, you and I.
P: Ok, Donald. Let's come up with a statement in which you recite ALL my demands, acquiesce to them, and declare a ceasefire. I can always tell my base back in Moscow that this is a tactical move only with no intention of committing to it. Then I want you to publicly blame Zelenskiy for not agreeing to the ceasefire, which would then give me leeway to resume my bombardments.
T (Drinking water and muching on an Alaskan burger): Alright. I'll owe you one. What do you want? Keep your military bases in Syria? No problem, I can tell this ...what's his name? Sherrod, Shkrabartha, all these names are such a pain to learn...
P: You mean, Al-Sharaa?
T: Yes, that's the guy. His country is falling apart, which we - the US and Israel appreciate very much. We can keep the oil fields in the northeast with the Kurds whom we've fucked so many times in the past. They're disposable. Israel can keep the Golan and all the new Syrian territories it conquered, including the region where these ... whatchamacallit.... Bruise? Cruze? ,,, oh yeah the Druze. Strange fellows with their bouffant pantaloons. And you get to keep the seacoast with the Allwhites.
P: Alawites.
T: Yes, sure, who gives a fuck. I just want history to remember me as a "great man", anything you don't need I'll take. Okay, now I am really tired. Gotta go. Maybe we meet later after our slaves draft the statement.
P: By the way, Alaska was ours before you guys bought it really cheap. Give it back to me and I won't object to your seizing Greenland. Just like the land swap you are calling for between Russia and Ukraine, we could swap Alaska and Greenland.
T: He he he.... we could swap wives too, no? My Melania is far more attractive than your girlfriend Alina...uh, uh... Shish Kebabova...is that her name? But then again, I shouldn't do this anymore. I've had enough sex scandals....Please no more of these complex geopolitical machinations. I never understand them. I just skim on the surface. But why not think about it? Alaska versus Greenland? Ummmm?
P: Ok, Dasvidaniya.
T: Uh, what?
P: Never mind. Go rest a bit then we talk again.
Trump Hints He Will Reward Putin's Invasion By Demanding Ukraine Give Up Land
Vice President JD Vance, right, speaks with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, left, as President Donald Trump listens in the Oval Office at the White House, Feb. 28, in Washington. via Associated Press
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump on Monday hinted he would demand that Ukraine give up territory seized by Russian dictator Vladimir Putin during his three-year invasion and once again blamed Ukraine’s democratically elected leader for getting invaded.
“I get along with Zelenskyy, but, you know, I disagree with what he’s done, very, very severely disagree. This is a war that should have never happened,” Trump said at a White House press conference of Ukraine’s president, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, and his recent statement that he cannot legally cede territory.
“I was a little bothered by the fact that Zelenskyy was saying, ‘Well, I have to get constitutional approval,’” Trump said. “I mean, he’s got approval to go into war and kill everybody, but he needs approval to do a land swap because there will be some land-swapping going on.”
Trump announced last week he would host a meeting with Putin in Alaska to broker a peace agreement, and his comments to reporters Monday are the most detailed about his view of what needs to happen to persuade Putin to end the war.
His insinuation that Zelenskyy was somehow to blame for Putin’s invasion was a repeat of his attacks on the Ukrainian president during his Oval Office visit in February.
“What you’re doing is very disrespectful to the country, this country,” Trump told Zelenskyy then. “You’re not winning this. You have a damn good chance of coming out OK because of us.”
Six weeks later, Trump outright blamed Zelenskyy for starting the war. “You don’t start a war with someone 20 times your size and then hope people give you some missiles,” he said in an Oval Office photo opportunity with Salvadoran president Nayib Bukele.
Trump called the coming summit a “feel-out meeting” and that he would afterward call Zelenskky and America’s NATO allies in Europe, who have since the 2022 invasion been eager to counter Russia and help Ukraine and even more so since Trump returned to office in January.
He added that his discussions with Russia and others led to his belief that Ukraine would have to give away land to end the war. “I know that through Russia and through conversations with everybody,” Trump said.
Trump’s special envoy, his friend from New York real estate days Steve Witkoff, met with Putin last week and apparently misunderstood what Putin was saying. Witkoff reported back that Putin was willing to give up two Ukrainian regions and keep a third, when in fact Putin’s offer was to hang on to all three in return for stopping his attacks.
Trump on Monday also repeated his lie that the U.S. under former President Joe Biden had given far more help to Ukraine than had Western Europe. “Biden approved $350 billion. Europe has spent $100 billion,” he said.
In reality, Europe has provided more assistance to Ukraine from the start, both in weapons and economic help.
Trump is scheduled to go to Alaska on Friday for his meeting with Putin, his first such summit with him since 2018, when in Helsinki he said he took the word of the former KGB agent over his own intelligence agencies about Russia’s work to help Trump win the 2016 election.
On Monday, though, Trump, who is 79, twice conflated Alaska with Russia itself. Alaska has belonged to the United States since 1867, when it was purchased from Russia, then under the rule of Czar Alexander II.
“I’m going to Russia on Friday,” Trump said, explaining his coming trip. An hour later, preparing to leave the podium, he said it again: “We’re going to Russia.”
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