The Israeli Zionist Enemy Blame Game Behind ALL Lebanon's Ills

• On Sunday, seven people were injured when a bomb exploded in the Nocean restaurant in Tyre. The restaurant is known for its dance parties in the Shiite Hezbollah-infested city. Tyre is one of the few towns in Muslim-dominated south Lebanon where alcohol is served in restaurants, which brings in tourists including members of the UN force in Lebanon (UNIFIL). But recent blasts have caused several restaurants to ban alcohol.

_____ Lebanese political and religious leaders, including Maronite PatriArse Bitchara Teraani Tizi, condemned the incident and blamed Israel as the instigator of the blast which aims at undermining the unity and tolerance of the Muslims of the Lebanese south, both fundamentalist pro-Iranian Shiites, and fundamentalist pro-Saudi Sunnis, who had earlier reached an agreement to deliberately violate Islamic Sharia and make a few bucks selling alcohol to stupid European tourists who find the whole atmosphere rife with exciting danger.

• Three dolphins were found beached near the Lebanese coastal town of Enfe, midway between Beirut and Tripoli. The Military Intelligence Services and Internal Security Forces of the Lebanese Army immediately cordoned off the area and investigated the dead animals. There is mounting fear that the Zionist enemy is dispatching spying devices aboard sea animals in order to gather information on the situation along the Syrian-Lebanese border, with the purpose of undermining the brotherly relations between the valiant Syrian nation battling terrorist gangs, and its younger and immature brother Lebanon which does not know what to do with itself when its big sister Syria is fighting the Israeli- and Western-backed terrorist gangs.

_____ Naturally, there was widespread condemnation by Lebanon's political leaders against the Zionist enemy's attempts at sowing discord and spying against the united Syrian-Lebanese front. The Frozen Pathological Movement (FPM) leader, the demented General Michel Hemorrhoid Aoun, issued a statement in which he said: "Didn't I tell you 15 years ago, when I was in exile in Paris, that it is all the fault of the Israeli-American conspiracy against the only two democracies in the Middle East, Lebanon and Syria?".

• On Sunday, the National News Agency reported that armed individuals opened fire on an anti-Syrian regime protest in Tripoli, injuring three people.

______ There was widespread condemnation among Lebanon's tribal and sectarian parties, religions, cults, movements, including both domestic and foreign (Palestinian, Syria, Iranian, etc.) organizations, with a consensus that the Israeli enemy (who else?) was behind the incident. The news of Israeli responsibility calmed everyone down and peace and stability returned to the city.